Wednesday, October 25, 2006

She's Got A Friend

This past weekend was spent visiting my best friend in California. Most of the time I really look forward to these visits, but this time was different. This time most of the talk centered on her divorce. Something that was sprung on her this past June by her soon to be ex husband who decided he didn’t want to deal with being a husband and full time father anymore. This was a man who I considered my friend. I was there when they first started going out, when they got married, and when they had their kids. Oh yes, there is another issue, their two kids who I love very much. I can see them hurting as well and as a mama it makes my heart cry out. I wish that I could just take the three of them and make it all better. I feel somewhat helpless not knowing what to do.

I also forgot to mention that S and I met at their wedding. He had been a friend of my friend for the longest time but we had never officially met until their wedding rehearsal dinner. We were totally set up, we just happened to be sitting next to each other at the dinner and then at the wedding as well. Things went well for us and we were married two and a half years later. I feel guilty that we are happy, that my husband loves being a dad, that we love being together.

I want her to be happy too, but I see her maybe making the wrong choices because she is lonely. I know all about being lonely, I felt that way a lot during my dating life, but that was just my personality. I was happy being by myself and would often choose that versus spending time with the wrong guy. I have never known my friend to not have a boyfriend. When we first met she was still dating her high school boyfriend. They broke up and she moved back home, shortly after she met a new boyfriend, a guy that had his own share of problems. Then she broke up with him, had a few rebound dates and ended up with her boyfriend turned husband. Now she is doing online dating and wondering why all the guys she meets want to sleep with her within an hour of meeting face to face. She told me over the weekend that she has gone out on so many dates that she has lost count of the number of guys. It must be fun to have all of that attention but most of it is because these guys just want to get in her pants.

I hope she finds someone who will make her happy and who will love her kids. But does she need to find someone right away. I would love it if she would concentrate on herself. Find ways to make herself happy, figure out who she is besides being a wife and mother, but also figure out how she can be a great single mom. I told her most of this over the weekend and I don’t know if it helped or not. S told me that it probably helped just by being there. When she dropped me off at the airport on Sunday we were both really sad that I had to leave. I do wish she lived closer, I say that because I know we won’t be moving closer to her. I told her that we (S, the girls, and I) are her family too. We are here for the three of them if they need anything. The hardest part of the whole situation is seeing your friend so sad, and there is no quick fix for the situation. All I can say is that I am here for her, and hopefully that does help.

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